Not even a cameo from needy Nige as Tice tries twice to push Reform’s rubbish ideas

Reform leader’s unwillingness to answer questions on £5m ‘donation’ leaves Dicky to serve up not-so-special guests

It’s been 50 days since the last Reform press conference. In Nigel Farage time, that’s at least five California marriages. He has been known to do two, sometimes three, pressers in a week.

Not because he has anything important to say, but because he is impossibly needy. Nige is a man who usually only knows he’s alive if there’s a camera recording his every movement and utterance. His narcissism demands constant attention.

And yet, for reasons we are assured are definitely not related to his unwillingness to answer questions about his £5m donation /birthday present/bung – feel free to take your pick – from Thai crypto billionaire Christopher Harborne, Nige has recently become publicity averse. Fluttering his eyelids, mouthing: “I want to be alone.” Only doing interviews with media organisations who promise not to ask anything awkward.

So it was with a rising sense of anticipation that I received an invitation to Wednesday’s Reform UK press conference. An excitement that was only slightly tempered by the announcement that the participants would be “Richard Tice and Special Guests”.

Dicky, it has to be said, is the kiss of death for almost any occasion. The ultimate beta male who exists only as a satellite of Nige. A man with the air of a long out of work actor whose career highlight was making the longlist for the bloke in the Gold Blend adverts. Or a pop singer who had one minor hit that reached No 83 in the charts in 1975 and now plays it on repeat to an audience of bored children at Center Parcs. The simpleton’s simpleton.

But nothing ventured, nothing gained. The hastily erected stage had a backdrop with “Cleaning Up Britain” blazoned across it. This sounded promising. Maybe Reform were about to announce a new era of financial transparency. An end to politicians trying to conceal millions of pounds given by benefactors who sought anonymity. Taking the crypto out of cryptocurrency. That would be a policy we could all get behind. One that was long overdue.

As ever with Dicky, the reality was more prosaic. Disappointing even. Dicky had dragged the TV cameras out to inform us he had noticed there was a great deal of litter on our streets and in our fields. So his big plan was to have a day out picking up rubbish on 4 July with a promise to increase penalties for fly-tipping.